ragemorelove’s blog

I finally moved all my things out, and realized how much the boyfriend actually loves me. Which is $600 more then I thought. He paid my last months rent for me so I wouldn't get sued or be stressed out anymore, cause I haven't had a job since January& I have no money. He did it without me even knowing he was going to, I cried after he did it. I feel embarrassed that he's witnessed such a low point in my life, but grateful that he's stuck by me. I'm really lucky to have him.

Friday night I saw evil bitch ex roommate, and she tried to talk (fight) with me at the WP/Boulder show, but I refused cause really, what's left to say? I told her how I felt, I said goodbye, I told her to leave it at that, but she thrives on drama and hate and she of course had to come and start something. Ryan thinks she only came cause I was there, which is probably true.. We were supposed to go back to her boyfriend's house for an after party type deal, but as she was walking out, she hip checked me into my boyfriend's chair& one of our friend's dad's girlfriend. 10 minutes later she texts Ryan saying she was trying to be the grown up but I'm too childish, blah blah blah, usual Bitch trying to save face. Ryan laughed& text her back saying "Nice hip check". She may have some fooled, but not him. &not the people who matter to me. Fake fake fake. Anyways so Sunday 2 of our friends helped us move out& when boyfriend went outside she followed him and tried to talk to him and he basically told her to fuck herself and leave us both alone& stop calling everyone to complain (she called my mom, who I talk to like twice a year and never see). She broke my wireless connector (again)& stole movies& coffee mugs, I forgot my ice cube trays which sucks cause they were cute but they aren't worth going back for, they're just ice cube trays of hearts and hugs. Michelle told me she tried to hug her and she jumped away haha. I mean.. she can be friends with who she wants but not one is fooled by her all of a sudden trying to be friendly to people she's always been mean to. Ryan thinks that she's the type of person who would change her whole friends group just to make one person miserable, and I can see that. She puts a lot of time and effort into hating someone, and there always has to be someone. When Steph was cut out of everyone's lives, I became the new target. Strangely, it doesn't bother me that much. When she was there Friday, I didn't really care.

I'm just glad to have the whole situation done and over with, and hopefully we won't have very many encounters anymore. If we do, I hope she follows my example and ignores me and Ryan, no more violence and no more petty lies. No more talk of this anymore. This is my last rant. I am letting it go and I am not going to think about it anymore. Focus on love and Ryan and how amazing he is. Focus on friends, job, life, spring, Kendra, getting it together!!

Now it's time for me to get ready to go shopping with Michelle, we're buying clothes for Chris. I must shower and whatnot!! Thanks for listening to me complain.

xoxo

I love how whenever he crashes mine& the boyfriends nights, he makes it seem like I'm the one whose intruding. And thanks for letting us know you were bringing Steve. This is not what I signed up for at all. Fuck my life.

I have to remember to stay positive. New positive me. Can't let people bring me down, I'm so emotional I have to toughen up. Can't let them effect my mood anymore.
I'm just getting out of a bad living situation and now I may be getting into another. My boyfriend might be moving in with my soon-to-be ex roommate's boyfriend, so we'll be back in the same situation but reversed. Ughhh. Can't. Escape. Her. But I can't let this ruin my mood. Life is still good. She can't bring me down anymore. She can deny al l the shady things she's done all she wants, we both know the truth. And we both know who the liar is.

Today I am going to write poetry, rearrange my room, clean up a bit, and go to my job interview. Last night was amazing, I had a relaxing bath, through out a bunch of garbage, read for a while, wrote a poem, and went to sleep early. Woke up early today. Talked to Linka, talked to the boyfriend, Talked to Monique. Made a nice big breakfast. I feel like I'm starting over, and I have so much good energy. I cannot wait for spring. When the snow melts away, so will the old me and all the old negative energy that has been surrounding me for so long. New home, new job, new life. No drugs, more love, more happiness. You create your own happiness. I am in charge of my destiny. Keep this at the top of your mind, C.

happy valentines day love the boyfriend

Today feels like spring. It's still snowy and cold but I woke up to the smell of fresh flowers& it made me feel sooo good. I've been listening to a really good mix of easy listening instead of the usual Dillinger & Poison the Well. I am in the mood to clean clean clean! Which is good because that's exactly what I had planned on doing today. I love the way that spring makes you feel. Everything is fresh and new and beautiful.

This journal makes me feel really good about life. It's a fresh start and no one I know reads this, or anyone as far as I know. No one here knows me, I am a secret. I've spent the morning sipping tea & looking at Kurt Halsey pictures. Read wwtdd, talked to M.. I have really good plans this weekend. Involving no drugs. No more drugs for me. Tonight I have plans with the boyfriend, I'm cooking him dinner and we'll probably go out for a drink or something, something stress free and we're avoiding the poisonous people, we're both done with that scene now. Tomorrow I'm going to Monique's & her friend Emily will be there, & we will drink wine and talk the night away.

Ohhh life, can you always be this relaxing?